Marriage & Family Therapy

Keeping a balance.
Where you don’t feel like you’re giving too much, too little, or not enough. 
Where your partner doesn’t feel the same.

Balance in a relationship is like a seesaw game:
You need to constantly keep moving to get to a place where you both feel at the same level and then, that only lasts a second. You will have to move again to keep that balance.

If you both stay static long enough to maintain that balance, you will start aching and eventually hurting. The need to move will kick in. Or you can stay put in that static position but the pain will only grow bigger.
We are meant to move — physically and emotionally — staying stagnant is not healthy.

How do you keep your relationship in balance?

  • Practicing clear and honest communication
  • Trusting each other
  • Sharing about your life: the little and big details
  • Taking a risk and being vulnerable with each other
  • Having fun together

Most importantly:
Let each other know that you appreciate each other’s role in the relationship, and to ask if there are any changes that need to be done so you and your partner don’t feel overburdened by how the relationship is being cared for at the moment.

For instance, if your partner tends to be the one who always plans your joint activities because “they are the planning type”; I would suggest for you to take the lead the next time.

If you are the one that always goes searching for the hug after a discussion to “make up”; I would suggest to let your partner know that you would like them to be the one that reaches for you the next time you both need to soften up after a serious talk.

Some couples would easily be able to make changes in their relationship balance while others will struggle. It depends on how emotionally and mentally flexible you both are, and how ‘set’ are the roles or parts that you both play in your relationship. For some partners, who thrive or enjoy or feel most secure taking the lead in the relationship, relinquishing control can be very challenging, and for the partners who take a more passive role, it will be hard to step up and be the ones that initiate.

We tend to feel comfortable in our parts, and we tend to create a narrative based on our parts and how we show up in our relationship. 
I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to get out of your comfort zone, and I would encourage you to get out of your comfort zone every once in a while. This will help you become more aware of how your relationship works and how your partner feels.

Note: This was originally published as a post on my Instagram account, click here for more content.

As a side note: If you have been having problems that are related to abuse, physical or emotional betrayal, or conflict that escalates too quickly and feels dangerous, please do not hesitate to ask or look for help and safety.